I came to the realization that I’m angry…

I think about things too much and while I have every reason to be angry, it’s not something I want to hold onto or continue to let bother me. I thought if I got away and distanced myself that I would be better, but at night I can feel myself losing a battle with my thoughts. Its crazy. I feel like maybe now if I deal with it then I won’t bury it and have it resurface later; I guess it just takes time. Some days I’m fine and others I’m not. I’m way more sensitive than I ever thought I was so it’s hard to tell myself don’t worry about it or it will get better when it doesn’t seem like it will. If I’m being honest with myself I’m shutting down. When people who are supposed to always be there lose your trust, you feel like you really are starting over from scratch and you question everything. It’s worse than losing a friend or breaking up with a guy after 2 or 3 years; it starts to feel as if a hole is there and no matter how many people say I’m here and try to fill it, that void will always be there. What’s even worse is that if I go back and try to fix it, all I will be doing is saying it’s okay to treat me like that and it’s not. The crazy part is that it’s gotten so far gone that I will take the dysfunction back just to have things the way they were but I have to fix that. I’m just going to take it one day at a time.