It’s my second Mother’s Day but it is still weird to me; I don’t feel like someone’s mom. My son calls me mama sometimes but having other people say oh that’s Darren’s mom I’m like ahhh, I am really a mom. I feel old even though I am clearly not; I just have an old soul like some people have. I have always wanted to be a mom but I didn’t know how I would handle it and then realized I had experience with children, not babies lol.
It’s awesome though. It is truly a thankless job, but you get paid in love, construction paper cards, and kisses but it’s all you ever really look forward to. When I first held my son it was the most amazing thing in the world. You look at the newborn and you think “wow, I created this child, he lived in my body!” and it’s a beautiful moment you never forget. He wrapped his tiny hand around my fingers and I fell in love. Somewhere along the way you realize that that type of love is unconditional and you would literally do anything for them. My son is only 2 but he is my strength, my motivation, my backbone, and my heart. Days when I felt like life was too much and I couldn’t take it, I kept going for him and nothing else. Since he’s been born my life has been nothing short of a disaster but if I have never been thankful for anything else, I’m thankful for him. I’ve grown up a lot and can see that the small things matter so much more. I’m living the life if my son is taken care of. I would give him my last of anything even if I had to go without. Lord knows I have gone without a few things just to make sure my baby had whatever he needed, but in every struggle, there is a blessing. I gave all of Darren’s stuff to mom’s who needed it. There were mom’s that were so grateful to have anything because they had nothing and it hurts a moms soul when she sees her child wants/needs something and she can’t give it to them because she can’t afford it. I had clothes, toys, car seats, strollers, all of that given away because I was getting brand new everything for Darren and I couldn’t take any of it with me. I felt absolutely warm inside because I helped someone else out and it was one less thing they had to worry about for their kids.
I’ve become a selfless person. At 18/19 most people are selfish and you should be because you don’t have responsibilities but I have done a 180. I never would have seen myself doing some of the things I have done for my son and I love that.
I just want him to grow up and say mom you did a great job and I love that you were there even when I felt like no one else was. I don’t want flowers, candy, cards, bears; I want him to be the man I raised him to be and that is all the gift I need.